Dear sir or madam,
In cleaning out my apartment for an upcoming move, I came across two beautiful jars of honey furnished by your company and given to me by an ex-girlfriend several years ago. As the date of expiration printed on the label slipped quietly by, I was forced to discard the sweet syrup.
At the suggestion of honey enthusiast April R. Canejanowicz, I disposed of the product by thinning and dissolving it in a steady stream of hot water in my sink over the course of fifteen minutes. During this process I played “Kimigayo” on the kazoo; the national anthem of Japanese bees, played on their national instrument.
In a show of respect to the bees whose labor I so casually dumped down my drain, I would like to offer a sincere apology to the following workers: Flint, Yuki, Kohei, Kimmy, Tammy, Hendrick, Randy, Jason, Henderson, Osbaldiston, Lamarr, Ecto-1, Ulysses, Todd, Yusuke, Yosuke, Kensuke, Sasuke, Jessica Beel, Yvonne, The Knife, Ingrid, Lindsay, Beelzebub, BuckTwenty, The Situation of Bees, Don, Quimby, Lucky Pierre, Wesley, Chick Hazard, Centurion, Phil Wayans, Hotspur, Anonymous, Bee-n There Drone That, Princess Eglantine, The Negotiator, Keiko, Ivan, Duke, Genbu, Byakko, Seiryu, Suzaku, Kirin, Ice B, Daniel, The Bee Pope (Apis Pontifex), Nightwing, Heccubus, Smeagol, Ol’ Stripey, Beedrill, Magbeeto, Bee Bee King (a.k.a. Mojo King Bee), The Inquisitor, The Grand Inquisitor, Huey, Dewey, Louie, Andy, Sandy, Mandy, Nobunaga, Yoshimitsu, Hachimitsu, Bee-eyasu, Amanomurakumo, Pip, The Scoundrel, The Outlander, Hivemind, Shun Ke Curvemask, Qu’o En Steelwing, Dread Lord Yelena, Shamrock, Pompey, The General, Ifrit Prime, Giovanni, Battista, Enrico, Antonio, Maria, Montini, Sanguini, Teeny Sanguini, Chester, Arthur, Chester A. Arthur, Chester The Arthur, Kim Arthur (née Basinger), The Temptress, Dr. Octobee, Lil’ Pitohui, Hydra, King Hydra, Baramos, Baramos Bomus, Baramos Gonus, The Tobacconist, The Tobogganist, Bee Tinker, Bee Tailor, Bee Soldier, Bee Spy, Albert, Donald, Mush-Mouth, Brutus “Dizzy” One-Wing, Jenny From The Block of Wax, Kurt “Two-Wings” Richardson, The Cowboy, Pretty Jerry, Night Owl, The Second Night Owl, The Sartorialist, The Black and Yellow Manta, The Bees in the Hall, Yakety Wax, Horii, Toriyama, Sugiyama, Bahama Mama, Chad, Chaz, Skink, Dirk, June, July, Wednesday, Pugsley, Jay, Jason, Thrillho, Barnho, Barney, and Clod.